Letter 16

My dearest Peapod,

This is sweet letter 16.  Your daddy and I tucked you safely in your bassinet last night to glance at an episode of "16 and Pregnant" as we put away the fresh laundry, and I began to flash forward to your life as a sixteen year-old.  Would you still listen and respect your parents? Would you be experimenting in sexual behaviors, or other avenues that you are not mature enough to handle or understand?  Or would you be excelling in the classroom? Taking on community service projects?  I kept coming back to the same concern as the episode droned on: what did these parents NOT do that I CAN do to ensure my daughter does not become a "baby having a baby."  How do I instill morals and respect for yourself so that you hold yourself to a higher regard?  How do I help you to want more for yourself than these young girls want for themselves?  I cannot imagine what it must be like for the parents of these young girls, merely teenagers, to watch their babies give life to another human being.  I am learning to be a parent at the ripe age of 26--I have 10 years of life experience on these young girls, and yet I find myself sometimes without the answers and wisdom to raise my child.  How can these tender girls think they can raise a baby on their own in today's twisted society at that age?  I pray, my sweet child, that the Lord will grant me the wisdom and compassion to raise a daughter that loves herself and body enough to realize there is so much more to the world beyond the age of "Sweet 16."

I love you my sweet tweenie,

Mommy

Letter 15 continued...

Title: Before I was Mom

Author: Unknown

Before I was a Mom,

I never tripped over toys

or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not

my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind

and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held down a screaming child

so doctors could do tests.

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night

watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small

could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,

I didn't know the feeling of

having my heart outside my body..

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond

between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small

could make me feel so important and happy.

 

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth,

the joy,

the love,

the heartache,

the wonderment

or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom

Letter 15

Dearest Peapod,

The war within me to be the best mother to you continues to wage on, and I am am uncertain as to if I am winning the battle.  Together with your father, we celebrated my first Mother's Day last weekend. You and your father served me breakfast in bed, thanked me with cards, and graciously gave me a gift certificate for a massage.  But that night, I secretly wept as I held you in my arms, longing to know if you found me as an adequate Mother.  Do I provide for you in the ways you need? Do I feed you correctly? Should I have let you sleep in your bassinet from birth rather than permit you to sleep nestled safely between your father and me? Should I have held you more? Should I have continued to attempt to nurse you?  Because of my decisons, are you as healthy as you could be? All these questions are arrows directed at the softness of my heart.  My tears flowed smoothly down my cheeks to rest atop your blanket.  I held you knowing that on that day, you were officially 5 months old.  Five months have raced by in the blink of an eye, and although you know this, I have loved you more in that five months than I have loved anything else in my life.  You have taught me to love in ways I thought not possible.  There is no greater physical love than that of a Mother to her child.  I lose so much time with you as I must work so that I can continue to give you the best material life I can, but that comes at a cost, and now, I wonder if the cost I am paying is too great.  Will I look back one day with regret for the time I could have spent with you and the price I paid to have you tell me I could have been a better mother?  You are no longer the bumblebee swarming in my belly; you are my baby bird preparing to take flight.  I hope that when the time comes, you will know I loved you more than I thought possible and realize I tried to be the best mom I could, just like my mom did for me.

I love you my sweet bird,

Mommy

Letter 14

My dearest Peapod,

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get," as Tom Hanks famously phrased in Forrest Gump reminds me of the choices and challenges we must face in this life. He was right my sweet Maddie Gracie.  With every decision (chocolate) I make (choose), a consequence follows.  I decided to become a mother, and you came bumbling out of me with a cry as melodic as Angels singing.  I decided to marry your daddy, and we celebrate our anniversary every year on December 15.  But not all decisions have pleasant consequences.  I decided to follow the Lord in hopes of an afterlife with Him, but that means to put Him above all others and all else.  I struggle with this daily as I long to put my darling daughter and her needs first.  It means I must give up the pleasures of worldly sins and attempt to live a life free of sin.  Although I fail daily, I must pray for His forgiveness and attempt to walk the next day in his likeness.  I rely on Him for His guidance and pray He shows me the way.  One day, when you are old enough to understand your decisions have consequences, you will have to make the same choices I made.  Will you decide to start a family of your own? Will you decide to marry and share your life with a godly man? And, you will be faced with the same decision to give up this life and its worldly possessions to try and live a life free of sin in hopes of spending your eternal life with Your True Maker.  I pray He gives you strength to face your challenges and choices and the consequences of your actions are what you were hoping for when you make the choice.

I love you my Number 2 priority,

Mommy